…The Last Letter

It has been more than 14 months that we “mutually” broke up. A relationship that was supposed to last for a life time ended precipitately. In this letter I am not going to talk about why we broke up or why we should be back together. I am only writing this to blur out my frustration, to talk about what has been there in my mind all through these 14 months. I will try my best to keep this as short as possible, excuse me if I end up going too far in writing this but believe me I am not going to write anything from your prospective or how you “Feel” or how you “should” feel about this whole “let’s-end-this-relationship” thing. I will keep this strictly to me. How I feel. I will make sure I make no judgments on you. What you do is your part. What I shall write today is my part. So let’s not complicate things. I shall not say anything about you, and you must not say anything to me for writing this piece of crap.
Life has been an awesome disaster over the last 420 days – see, even the numbers are speaking sarcasm today. What I always wished over years was served to me in a plate but what I wanted to cherish for a lifetime was taken away from me – you. Well, God has its own way of mending things, maybe this whole incident was among one of them. Fuck. God. Why did you do that to me?

Anyway, life has been pretty fucked up and beautiful till now, since you left. There is so much that happened that I cannot paraphrase here.

The sad part is that no matter why may happen, it makes me think of you only. The promotion I had. Well, that was something I was longing for, but you were not there. I wanted you to be a part of that moment but that never happened. Over this whole period no matter what happened I was trying to find you around, I wanted you to listen to me, I wanted to tell you how good or bad I feel. I wanted you to be happy for what I have achieved. Appreciate me for what I did and what I did not. But, no you were not there.

On my birthday I got a car. Yes, something we had always thought of. Something I wanted to buy only for you. Something I was supposed to buy in March-April but delayed the plans because of our “mutual” breakup. Even today when I drive my car I think of you, there are so many memories we wanted to build around our car. Those planned long drives, those trips we wanted to go on and everything else. Well, nothing happened of that sought. Even today when I drive on your house stretch I feel shattered. Your memories start to haunt me; quite literally. I have lost the count of how many times I have stopped at that metro station and just sink in my emotions.
The sad part of our story is that we had spent too much time already, more than car, more than job, there are so many much bigger and important things that we built around us. Nothing is going to come true. At least if I believe in what you say. The sad part is that though we broke up , I still do not see the reason why we should not be coming back together. Why, we just cannot make a fresh start. Why is that no matter how hard I try, you don’t’ feel those emotions for me again. What has happened is obviously the thing of past now, nobody has power to change it. What power I have in my hand is what I am not exercising yet- move on.

I think it’s time I let you go. And that’s so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it’s not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me doing what I should have done months ago: saying goodbye.
— Unknown


I am destructively annoyed and freaked out. I am obsessive now. I do not know if I should be blaming you, not sure if you are wrong or I am. But whatever be it I am on the verge of explosion. Saturation point as you say.

Few things that this whole phase has made me understand are three of my life’s biggest mistakes. Mistakes, that I might regret through out my life.

Loving unconditionally.

What did I get to love unconditionally? I was the guy who wanted to fall in love with one girl and that is it. I was settled for life. But, then destiny had more plans for me. They made me go through THIS. I am somebody who hardly keeps any regret but this thing makes me regret my decisions now and might force me to regret more in future. Good are those people who fall in love. It was my mistake that I decided to walk with you in love instead.

Keeping a blindfold to love been given to me.

When you left me, I had “all the world love” been given to me. Yes, all love. SHE- who happened to be my best friend love me for years, but she was never a choice because you were there. After you left, it was SHE who listens to me, who cried along with me, who guided me, who supported me. And trust me there was not even once that she asked me to not to go back to you. She always suggested me on how I could win you back. It was after almost a year that she started being cold towards you. She says that you took too much of my happiness away and she doesn’t like that. Well, obviously she was right. She had a point. I was and I am doing wrong by waiting for you even now. She is still a best friend, she will be forever.

And then there is another she. You know who I am talking about. Well, she was the one I happen to start liking but I never took things forward with her. I was way too engrossed in your memories. I kept asking her for more time to get over you but then she had her “saturation point” too. I did not wanted to give her false hope so I told that nothing can be there between us. She understood and told me that I was doing wrong to myself.

…Not moving on
I have no sense of idea why I have not moved on yet? Loving you is one reason but what else? I know you do not love me anymore. I know you have made clear that you are not coming back then what is stopping me? I feel terrified by the mere thought that you are not around. I have tried as much as possible to get over you, yet I fail. Again and again.

You remember that Landsdowne trip I went to this month? That trip was nothing but an attempt to run away from so many people. Run away from you. Run away from my room. Run away from my dairy. Run away from my cupboard locker. That was just an attempt to run away from myself. Everything around me, within me, does nothing but haunts me with your memories. I went there because I wanted to stand among those hills and scream. Scream like nobody ever did before. I simply wanted to cry like nobody did before. Unfortunately, the attempt failed. The company I was with did not give an opportunity to succeed in my plans, well, they were way too awesome. They just did not let me think about anything else but “some good time” there. Yes, I did miss you but I did not scream or cry. I wanted it badly, as they say, that sometimes you have to let things go. This trip was another millionth attempt to forget you and to move on and start living in present. Unwillingly, I think I still stand at same place where I started from. I haven’t yet stopped thinking about you.
What I miss most is that, I have stopped reading. Yes, I who used to read books day-in, day-out has stopped reading. I have stopped writing ! Apart from those personal notes I scribe all the time. I stopped blogging ! Something that was my piece of soul. Something I cherish most after you. Imagine, this happens to be the first blog in past ninety-days.

When I write this letter today, I still love you like I always used to but the thing is till when? I do not see you come back. What I am doing to myself is not acceptable. It is not acceptable to my mom; she is so annoyed on seeing me like this. It is not acceptable to my friends- few that I have. It is not acceptable to her; yes, her – my best friend. In a nutshell it is not acceptable to me. What did I do that I have to go through this? No, I am not blaming you yet. I do not see a reason to blame you. I am only writing what I am feeling. I know its me who is responsible for this situation that I have made of myself. I am happy for where you are, what you are doing. I am happy that you are happy. But, I am not happy of what I am making myself go through. Trust me, I do not deserve this.

Thanks Priyanshi Gulati for proof reading.

Once a Loner. Always a Loner.

Via Google

I am happy. I am gay. I am joyful. I am happy; once again. Life has given me no reasons to regret. And I choose to live a life of been happy forever, but, deep down things are not that happy and joyful as they may look. When I introspect myself, all I am able to judge is that what a big failure I have been in my life. I was never good with studies, college went out like a sick-period of life, the job I am into is what I never wanted but I still choose to work into it and on top of everything I am still fighting a cold-war with my dad.  And the biggest failure I had in my life has been making relationships’. I suck at them. Sincerely.

I was never able to make friends, when I made I lost them soon, very soon. I cannot play the blame game here but all I know is that destiny wanted me to play the role of victim. Way back when I was in school, I made a friend. We were supper buddies. He stood by me when I hit him hard in his face for no reasons, he never said anything. He stood by me after I shouted and abused with him in front of my whole class. He never said anything. He stood by me when I was in bad times, but one day, on the eve of Christmas, last year. I cut off all my relations with him on a very pity talk (something which I now realize). All this after nine-years of friendship. We used to sit together, eat together, and roam together. It was he with whom I used to enjoy moving around on my 95′ made LML Vespa scooter. When I got a new Honda Activa, I wanted so much to go on a ride with him, a ride we used to have on LML. It never happened.

While in school we all promised to each other that we would stay friends-forever, nothing happened. All we now know each other as is ‘some’ Facebook friend. I am not sure if that other friend is responsible for it or not but, what I know is that I am surely responsible.

Another friend, we studied together till tenth-standard. We were OK-OK friends, but when we left school our friendship developed stronger Thanks to her efforts. She was in a relationship then, and so was I. But we were good friends even then. It was she who always contacted me and then scolded me for not been keeping in touch with her. The saga continued for years, I never disliked her; I had no reasons for it. And one day when I met her, she gave me a cold-look.  I asked her how she was doing, she did not reply. I asked her if she changed her phone number and she said yes and was not willing to share it with me. Soon I found out that she removed me from her FB account too. I still have no reasons to blame her. She never did anything wrong. But, when I look back to think what wrong I may have done I find out how lame I was in keeping touch with people who cherished me for what I was and liked me for that. What I did was never intentional. I obviously never wanted to lose a friend like her but…..

When I left my senior-secondary schooling, I had another set of friends to cherish for life. Among them was this girl, we shared the same zodiac sign; she was one egoistic soul for world. But for when around me she was the most understanding and caring friend I could ever had. We were friends-for-soul; sitting on the distance of miles I could text her “Wake up. Leave that quilt. It’s 1 PM! “And she would have replied “How do you know I was sleeping, do not tell me you have cameras installed in my house”. We were phone friends. We hardly used to meet because of time constraint but, even then we were made for one-another. And then came a day, I love to hate. It was one sunny afternoon of February 2011. I was on phone with her like always and BANG, something happened that changed everything forever. Since then we do not even exchange birthday wishes. It was actually not the first-fight we ever had. Maybe it was 7th or 8th, every time we spoke to each other after a fight, that bond of friendship between us came out to be much stronger. But after this clash, things CHANGED forever. Unlike with my other two friends, I think here we both were guilty at some point. Was I at more fault as she says? I do not know! I promised her that she would be the first girl to take a ride in my first car. May be that will never happen.

I’ve always been an introvert person. I find it difficult to start a conversation with somebody who is stranger to me. And may be that is why I never made new friends. In my college, I made ALMOST NO FRIENDS in first-year. It was in second-year that some people made me their friends. I am thankful we are still together. I once again say “May be forever” and hope that the bad luck of my previous relationship does not fall on us. Finger crossed.

Today, the worst part of been at home after five-days of office is that I see no one around to go out for a walk. No one to talk to. No one with whom I could go to eat my favorite chicken roll. No one to take a ride on my Activa. No One. This makes me mention about the first-friend I talked about, after not taking to each other for almost one year, we both became friends once again this December. But we have lost that charm now, that charm of sharing a nine-year bond of friendship. Even though we talk, it sounds like two monotonous Roberts talking.

The people I managed to be friends with since my college is amazing. We all are still together. But, things have changed among us too. Some of them are now continuing their education, some are into jobs of their choice, and some of them choose not to share what they are doing. Among them is a friend with whom I have always went to have our favorite chicken roll. The number of times we now go there is decreased but, we still cherish the time when we can manage to go there. I hope things turn out to be good only in future.

The other guy is the one with whom the early morning “chai’ (Tea) tasted amazingly-good! We now do not meet up for chai but, yes I am thankful that we at least meet.

And then comes a friend who has turned out to be my biggest supporter in anything that I would do. It was she was made me start this blog, it was she who supported all my lame business ideas. And it IS SHE who is still supporting me in anything that I do. Bless her.

I remember how once one of my friend stopped talking to me and cut down all relations with me because she eventually started liking me. One sudden day, which I now remember was January 9th 2011. We did not spoke to each other for more than two months. Thankfully, things changed after that. We are good, very good friends now.

I have no idea why this all has to happen to me only. I know I am bad at a lot of things, but I have a good side too. People call me stubborn, egoistic and arrogant, which I am may be. But, I try my best not to let these things disturb my other relationships. What all bad that happens to my circle-of-friends is what I never wished for. It just happened. And yes, I never got an intuition of that.

One thing which is turning sour now is my relationship with my girlfriend. She has been an amazing girlfriend and continues to be same. Thankfully she is understating and is not nagging at all. I love her and there is no doubt about it. But, for some reasons we are now losing that spark in our relationship and this time I know that I can be blamed. She may think that I do not love her anymore which is not the case. I still lover her, but sparing time for her is what I am unable to do currently. She continues to support me even in this situation but, what I know is that there is an extent of supporting somebody. One cannot do it for whole life. I fear if things will worsen between us. I obviously do not want that.

As I mentioned earlier that I am an introvert, but, there is one thing I NOW pat my back for. I think I am now an ambivert person. Unlike earlier, I know try to make friends and some or other way I have been successful in doing that. I may not go to speak to everybody I meet and be friend to them but, I try to make the maximum out of it. Among them is my namesake, he works with me. I cannot even tell you how similiar our thoughts are sometime. I call him my alter-ego. In him I see friend to open my heart with. We would sometime ride on NH-8, stop nearby IGI runway and talk, talk about everything that bothers us.
There are other people at my workplace whom I cherish to call friends. We talk, we laugh, we share and all that we can do. Among everyone their is this girl, she is such an adorable child. When she smiles, other things can wait. I call her ‘Marla Singer’ with us we also have an engineer, she is good, very good. The best part about her is that she has not killed me yet for all that I said to her .(..and may be now she is writing an SMS to somebody “he blogged about me” ).  Maybe we all stay together.

Two more people, I’ve been friends with since my school time is what now disturbs me more. We were good, so good. But, now we are just “we”. Things are now turning to be sour among us. Here I can say that I am the one who is supposed to be blamed. First thing : I forget one of my friends birthday. Second: I hardly get time to meet them. They would always ask to come to meet but, my office does not allow me that kind of time and  freedom. They both are into business, managing time for them is far easier than I. I obviously do not want to have another set of “they were my friends”  tag. I try to do all I can but, I fail badly.

….Once a Loner, always a Loner. Epic Fall. And to hide everything in me all I do is “walk alone in dark”

Via Google

(Completed writing on the midnight-stroke of January 9th and 10th 2013 )

2012 in review

Wooooooo ! Seems like a dream come true. Many thanks to all out there. It is YOU, my readers who have made this blog such a super-successful achievement of my life. I really cannot thank you guys more. I mean 29000 views ! the figure makes me feel amazing.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 29,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 7 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

FYI:  This post is been posted on a Mac, my dream machine. Thank you to one of my senior here at office. He is still standing on my head to see if I treat his Mac with respect. 😉

Why I Choose to be an IndiBlogger

Blog One Twenty One

As title suggest, this post is dedicated to IndiBlogger.in –an Indian blogging network. I am writing this to share with you why I choose to be a part of this network and how it has helped my blog (me) grow.




If you have been reading my blog for sometime then you must have noticed my blog’s title ‘Student by Luck: Blogger by Choice’.

Well, you can blame me for been creatively inspired by their network’s title: ‘Indians by birth: Bloggers by Choice ’. I admit that I liked that title so much that I made one for myself-out of it.


Awesome number of readers

IndiBlogger gives me the real readers of my blog. The maximum readers on my blog from are from Google & IndiBlogger.




IndiMeets are yet another reason for me to be on IndiBlogger. I have been to two  of them and the experience was great. I got to meet so many bloggers; so much attention all around and yeah not to forget, a lot of goodies to win.


I don’t blog because I want to make money. I blog because what I write is more than money for me. But, if there are any contest on-going it is like icing on cake.

IndiBlogger have some or other contest running at all the time. Even when I WRITE this the ‘Time to Change’  ‘Incredible Stories’ ‘InternetIsFun’ and ‘Castrol ’ contest is on. I have never won any of the blogging contests but I am sure, I will win once for sure.

Why not BlogAdda.com or BlogJunta.com


Well, I joined both the above mentioned networks with a thought that they will help me increase my blog traffic. But nothing happened. Even after joining for months, I was unable to get my blog approved; I wonder why?

Every time I try submitting a link, it says that my blog is not yet approved. I mean my blog is more than a year old and with more than 100 posts. What more they need to approve a blog? ; A super blog-post?

Authors note: Though I am writing this post today, but I think, I’ll not be posting this anytime before the result for IndiBlogger contests InternetisFun’ ‘‘Time to Change’ and  ‘Incredible Stories is out.’ I don’t want anybody to say that this post made me win those contests. (Yes. Yes, I am optimistic; I will win at least one of those contests.)

4/4/2012 6:50:27 PM

OK. I lost again. Yeah..yeah.. I know I was too sure of winning this time but I did not win. Result for ‘Time to Change’ was declared few days back and I won nothing. The result for ‘Incredible Stories’ is still not out, but, I am sure, I’ll win. I can’t post this even now. Another contest ‘Internet is Fun’ has started so, I now have to wait.

5/7/2012 1:03:28 PM

Ok, so all the contests on IndiBlogger are over and results have been declared. So the question you would be asking me is did I win?

Well, to answer that all I can say is that:

“Seems like I miss the algorithm to win an IndiBlogger contest” (Better luck next time- Mr Bhasin )

6/17/2012 6:55:22 PM

About Aditya Bhasin

Aditya Bhasin hails fromIndia,Delhi-an avid reader, who enjoys his cup of tea over it, a racist in purest form as he hates chocolate and coffee. He does not like traveling much, but, if he gets an opportunity to travel he chooses to do that by a train instead of a car or a plane. He is an introvert person who is trying to be an extrovert by all possible means.

Fb.com + About.me + Twitter.com + StumbleUpon.com + LinkedIn.com+ FourSquare.com + Pinterest.com + Digg.com + Reddit.com = /meadityabhasin

Email: adityabhasin81 (at) (gmail) (.com)

Things You Don’t Know About Me

We all belong to social media generation and most of the things about ourselves are known to everyone else. So is with me. If you have seen my Facebook Timeline; you would know that my life is already up-there. Today, I am going to talk about things you don’t know about me.

1) I never wanted to take up English Hons as my choice of course

I landed up in English Hons as an accident (if that’s the correct word). I always wanted to peruse my studies in computers. Software and networking technology was something that always exited me.

2) I designed the best VB & Oracle project in school

Way back in class 12th, I designed the best Visual Basic project with Oracle integration. We were supposed to prepare a basic project to present but I decided to do otherwise. I designed a multiplex ticket booking system. It had all the possible utilities. I wrote almost 2000 lines of code for that project; out of those 2000 lines, I wrote 700 lines only one form of Visual Basic; the form where the whole work took place- book tickets.

3) I had my first crush in class 5th and she was not my teacher

Yes, it was actually when I was 10 yrs old. She was in class 6th and used to sit next to me while our final exams. I liked her so much; don’t know where she might be now.

4) I started my first blog in class 7th
I was introduced to blogging when I was in class 7th and I then started a blog ‘Teens-view-point’. I never got any hits on that blog. I also used to copy post from other websites and post them on mine.

5) I am against reservation

I am against all sought of reservations i.e.: SC/ST/OBC, Minorities, Jaat. Only reservation which I think should be given in our country is financial reservation.

6) I’ve been a victim of child-abuse

I don’t think that these things should make a difference to my life now. May be that’s why I now accept this thing.

7) I’ve never…

…had alcohol (had beer and champagne ONLY once)
…ride a bike
… Had beef or pork

8) I prayed to God…

That I should have a fracture; I was too jealous of attention my brother got when he had a fracture. I asked God that I should also have one. And I had it within few months.

9) Math’s was never my cup of tea

In my class 10th exams, I only prepared for 54 marks of paper; attempted a six-mark Income Tax question in 50 minutes and scored only 34. I was more than happy. Even today I can’t multiply 9 *7.

10) My parents are too much over-protected

What more do I say on this.





About Aditya Bhasin


Aditya Bhasin hails fromIndia,Delhi-an avid reader, who enjoys his cup of tea over it, a racist in purest form as he hates chocolate and coffee. He does not like traveling much, but, if he gets an opportunity to travel he chooses to do that by a train instead of a car or a plane. He is an introvert person who is trying to be an extrovert by all possible means.


Fb.com + About.me + Twitter.com + StumbleUpon.com + LinkedIn.com+ FourSquare.com + Pinterest.com + Digg.com + Reddit.com = /meadityabhasin


Email: adityabhasin81 (at) (gmail) (.com)



Spice Mobile & Indiblogger meet #SecureAndroid

YES, I am back to blogging. I missed this space so much that I cannot express in words; exams almost high-jacked my life. And to compensate for this loss -IndiBlogger’s blogger’s meet came to my rescue. It was the much needed ‘fresh-air’ that I needed; especially after my exams got over.

Like last time I was super exited to attend this meet, rather super-duper exited because this time I was not a stranger in the house. I knew some people would recognize me and would turn up to me and say ‘Hey you‘re Aditya Bhasin..?’ and like wise I was sure that I would get to meet some people I knew from last meet and I would go to them and say ‘Hey how’re you doing’.

Because I am writing this post in hybrid, I am not going to talk about minor details of the meet but just the best moments. (ohhhhh.. I am sorry all the moments were best…!)

We were welcomed by a very cute kid. Without a doubt, she was the youngest blogger out-there. She was so adorable that she was giving a high-five to everyone who asked for one. I think she was just 2-3 yrs old and yes she was wearing an IndiBlogger tee too.

The meet started with a bang on idea. We all were taught a special welcome trick that we were supposed to do when Rajiv Makhani takes the centre-stage.  It was the ‘Hurrr-Hurrrr’ welcome. We enjoyed it thoroughly and so did Rajiv.


A big thanks too Rajiv for being so sportive and for making the air a little more funny. He was acting like true Delhite. He was best at pulling-leg (offcource in a funny manner.)

A lot of people got Spice mobile phones as a prize and I too got one of them. The funny part was when a blogger got a phone because she writes a blog to help get people divorce#.

I am more than keen to share how I got that phone, here goes the story.

While introduction, Rajiv said he will let only two more people give their introduction and expect them to be most witty.

As I was standing at the back I started jumping on the spot and were saying “me” “me” “me”. I got the much needed attention and was called by Rajiv to give introduction. The funny part was that I did not walk till him rather jumped. Yes, I actually did that. I jumped and went to the ‘centre-stage’ and gave my intro like this:

“I am Aditya Bhasin”

“I blog because I get to share my opinion with everyone else”

“I get to meet so many new people”

“…and the best part- I get a free-pass to a five-star hotel and dinner is always on card, so WHY NOT!”

In return for a witty intro I got a Spice Flo phone. 😉

As the meet continued I met a lot of new people along with some old faces I could remember from last meet. The happy moments were those when few people came and said “Are you Aditya Bhasin?” and some even tweeted “I think I know you.”

In another incident when there was pin-drop silence in room, I did something. *meow*

We all enjoyed the meet very much; Rajiv’s presence made it more exiting. Later, Karan Singh- a deception artist also came in the house to showcase his deception tricks. He caught me in first-second itself that I was not the guy he was looking for, though, I was trying to be one-of-those-guys.

He also played with some books and was fairly awesome in whatever he did. I don’t know how he did that all, but, I was able to draw a lot of resemblance between him and the guy who host a show named ‘Deception’ on Discovery. I don’t mean anything offensive for Karan. After all he did what was something I cannot even imagine to do. 🙂

While this meets the Spice Mobile also showcased their much expected phones. They call it Samsung Galaxy note killer. To be honest, I liked all three phones; especially keeping the price-range in mind. I mean imagine you are getting Galaxy Note size phone in last than 12 grand..! As of now I don’t  think I would buy one of those phone, only reason- I already more phone than I need (Nazar na lage). *Protect my phones from evils eye.*

I did feel bad then my other fellow bloggers started to move out of their chairs when Spice Manager started speaking. I mean respecting the speaker is must- at least I believe in same. The dinner on the table was awesome, only I know how I stopped myself eating those ‘Fish-pakoras’. I am not eating non-veg food these days.

The meet ended on a happy note as we bid farewell to Rajiv with hurrr hurrr hurr….

Just because I have talked about so many good things does not mean everything went well. Here are few things IndiBlogger team missed and should take care of same in upcoming meets; especially, when the number of bloggers is so HIGH. (Did I tell you that this was the BIGGEST meet with over 250 bloggers.

1)       No group photos like last time;

2)       A lot.. A LOT of people did not got a chance to speak while 30 seconds of fame;

3)       There were no ‘white-posters’ for bloggers to write about one another, like last time.

Hats off to IndiBlogger team. It worked out just perfect. Thanks a ton and keep visting Delhi like same.

#: The divorce thing is what I heard in that meet. I may be wrong in mentioning the exact thing

It’s a scary feeling

Update: April 23 2012 , 11 AM

I am doing fine now, but, still there is a little bit of uneasyness left in me. I don’t know why but my intiuation is guiding me towards a very sad news.

May God bless me and my family.

Originally posted on April 22 2012

I was riding my pillion and there was a sudden depression or sadness that came into me. I have no idea what has happened to me. I am feeling scared. My hands have gone numb and they’re shivering too.

There is some kind of strong uneasyness in me. I was happy since morning and there is nothing that has happend which should make me feel this way.

I came back mid-way from the place I was going to because of this sudden depression-like feeling.

Even when I type this, I am making many typo errors, I am correcting each word many times. This has happened never with me.

May God Bless Me.

Posted from WordPress for Android.