The Magical Charm of an Arranged Marriage

Things would have been different If I was single, I would have loved to settle down in an arranged marriage. But, because I am already into a super-awesome relationship for almost seven-years now, I really cannot think of experiencing the magical charm of getting married to a stranger. Though, I still have my own set of beliefs and views to share about the idea of arranged marriage.

Mere thinking of settling down in an arranged marriage gives me goose-bumps. I think it is the most divine form of a relationship. The beauty of an arranged marriage starts from the day you and your families decide that yes he/she can be your only soul-mate. From that day onward, things between would-be husband-wife are like those teenage love stories, where everything is beautiful, the girl finds her would be husband the most handsome man in this world and the man sees her would-be wife as the sweetest and the most adorable lady he could have ever met.

First they would meet at a coffee-shop, they would talk nothing. Not even take a single sip of the coffee they ordered for. The boy would keep looking at everything around him and would constantly skip a moment to look at his would-be wife. The lady on the other hand would be sitting in all expectations that the man of her life would start the conversation.

Things move on, and the couple starts growing with each other. Every moment that passes seems like a never ending journey they are on to. Soon the day comes when they are on their marriage-stage. They both look beautiful. They both steal a moment to look at each other, in that single moment of looking at each other, all they convey to each other is “ look beautiful”.

The would-be husband wanted to say “Baby, you look beautiful” but he does not do that. He thinks that it is way too fast. He is not sure if his would-be wife would be comfortable on hearing the affectionate word ‘baby’ or not. The beautiful lady thinks all what her would-be husband thinks about her. They both are talking to each other with their eyes. The boy is somewhat getting intoxicated looking at her would-be beautiful wife.[one] All he thinks to do is to describe her beauty, better than how Geoffrey Chaucer did to Alison in Wife of Bath Prologue and Tale. Sitting there, he is reading these lines to himself, thinking that he is doing it to his would-be wife.

“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she.”
(2. 2. 4-8) ~ Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

While they both sit on the dinner table, all they think is of how they would make each other eat. It is a new experience for both of them. They are not sure who is supposed to start first. In midst of everything around, boy keeps his hand over his would-be wife’s hand. She is stranded for a second. She does not realize what just happened. She blushes and takes away her hand. Everyone around is smiling, and the beautiful lady of the day is feeling shy. She does not know what her would be husband likes to eat. She gives a childlike look to her would-be husband, and in a moment, he understands what she is trying to say; things are now becoming clear between them. All he says is ‘whatever you like’. Somewhere deep down in there mind, they both think about how an arranged marriage takes place. They are happy….

As the time is coming close for them to be husband-wife instead of would-be husband wife their excitement, and anxiety is also increasing. Looking at how nervous his would-be wife is like the husband now offers a supporting hand to his wife. She feels reveled. The ‘magic-touch’ seems to work now. For a moment, they look into each others’ eyes and smile; smile for the first time in last five hrs. Seeing that nobody is around, girl asks her would-be husband ‘ how do I look ?’ The would-be husband simply wants to kiss her hand and tell how beautiful she is , but is unable to do that. All he said says is ‘Angel’. The girl thinks why her would-be husband is not saying something else or more. She then realizes that maybe this is the real beauty of an arranged marriage. You never say anything to each other- you only feel.

Finally the moment comes when they are husband-and-wife. All the rituals are now over. They are now sitting and waiting to enter a new world. The girl is now crying. She has already started missing her family. This time instead of holding her mom’s hand, she looks for her husbands’ warm-and-cozy hand.[two] She takes hold of it; tightly. The husband is now a supporting hand to his wife. The lady of the evening now relies on her husband and not her first-family. Somebody from the boy’s family makes a witty comment on something. The couple shares a good-laugh – for the first time together. They come close to each other. This time they are less uncomfortable. After all they are husband-and wife; that too through the most sacred ritual of our world- arranged marriage.

Then comes the most precious time of their lives. The girl waits for her husband on ‘their’ bed. She is nervous. She is almost sweating. She sits there like a statue; waiting to be crafted by the only craftsman of her life. In her mind she thinks about all the fantasies she has ever had about her marriage’s first night. As her husband moves closer to her, she starts feeling more shy. She never allowed any man to come that close to her in her life. She only lets her husband be that close. She thinks that first-night in an arranged marriage is more beautiful than a love marriage. She thinks she is going to give herself to her husband; whom she knows very little of. May be that is the magic of an arranged marriage- she says to herself.

The husband is now sitting next to his wife. He is not sure of what to say and what to do. He is equally shy-and-nervous of things going with him. He has had so much to say and do, but none turns out. He thinks – how to go forward? He was not aware that things could be so difficult. For a second he thinks he should have had a love-marriage, so that he would have known his wife better- already. The very next second he looks at his wife and the thought of love-marriage skips his mind. He takes hold of her hand. He kisses her hand. For the first time a man was touching her, the girl thinks. With that kiss the husband says “You look beautiful, my angel.” She blushes and hugs her husband. [three] They sit there and talk, talk about everything they have had in their mind. The girl while playing with her words tell her husband that she was not yet ready for taking this first-night further. Husband is amazed to hear that. He was not expecting this. For some minutes they only look into each others’ eyes, while they play with each others hands. Husband smiles and says “even I am not yet ready”.

It is a moment of relief for the girl. They both smile at their own childish-yet-mature- than ever relationship. Suddenly they both ask each other something that makes them both feel dumb-stuck: “is this how an arrange marriage works?” They laugh and hug each other. And while they are talking to each other, girl falls asleep. The girl is in her husband’s arms and has her head resting on his shoulder. All what the boy does is look at her in amaze

Their arranged marriage evolves day-by-day. On the second-day of their marriage, they say to each other the three magical words “I love you”. It is then they make love with each other. To them nothing seems more divine than what they are into, at that moment. The next morning, while they have their early morning love-bird talks, all they say to each other is that “I could not have loved you more if it were a love marriage.”

Image One Photo credit Jitender Kashmira

“The boy is somewhat going intoxicated looking at her would-be beautiful wife.”

Image Two Photo credit Aditya Singh

“This time instead of holding her mom’s hand, she looks for her husbands’ warm-and-cozy hand.”

“She blushes and hugs her husband.”

I know you must be wondering that why didn’t I posted pictures with the text. So to answer that, I want to tell you folks that I orignally wanted my readers to imagine those pictures. Yes, imagine as they read the text. I am sure you were able to feel exactly the way I expected.

This post is for IndiBlogger’s contest  Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage. Please follow them on their Facebook page for constant updates.

About Aditya Bhasin

Aditya Bhasin hails from India, Delhi-an avid reader, who enjoys his cup of tea over it, a racist in purest form as he hates chocolate and coffee. He does not like traveling much, but, if he gets an opportunity to travel he chooses to do that by a train instead of a car or a plane. He is an introvert person who is trying to be an extrovert by all possible means. + + + + + + + = /meadityabhasin

Email: adityabhasin81 (at) (gmail) (.com)

The ‘Taboo thing’

Click here to read Day One post

Post a day 2011

Day Two                                                                                                                                               Click here to read Day Three post

Let me begin by asking you a question. Does been virgin or chaste makes a difference?  My idea to write this post is to talk about thing untold; things that people are not ready to speak about; especially in India. In India, things are a little complicated as compared to west side of world. Here we don’t talk about sex and other ‘Taboo’ things so openly. Here virginity is the command of God and if one goes against the command of God, he or she will have to face the outcomes. I really don’t think that been a virgin or chaste should be considered while marriage anywhere in India or world. In my opinion, everybody in this world had sex, or may be foreplays or other stuff; irrespective of the fact that they had it in their fantasies or in real life. Been virgin or chaste is very personal choice to make, I don’t think that religion or family ritual can bind that. I mean if religion doesn’t force us to get married or remain single all our life, then how come religion can force us to be virgin or chaste all our life’s. In India, nobody talks about how many times a guy had sex before marriage, but as soon as the focus shifts on a woman, the picture changes. Everybody in the society and their own ‘Community’ to talk about that woman. They would say all the rubbish things about the woman, but nobody would dare to speak a word about the man with whom the woman had sex.A long time back in India itself there was an MMS made of a school going couple. They were having some sought of oral sex in that MMS, at that time even, when this MMS came out nobody talked about the guy in that MMS. All that the country talked about was “the girl”. “She was an Army child”, “she flew to Canada after that” and “she attempted suicide” and so on… The point here is what happened to the guy? Who will question the guy about the same thing? Who is going to stand up and say “hey, you did wrong, it was against our culture” and all those things which have been said to the woman.

Been a virgin is a personal thing and so is been chaste. A boy will never hide the fact that he is not virgin because for him it’s the matter of pride. Its kind of a gold meddle, when it comes to telling it to his friends; whereas for a woman the same thing would be the most precious thing to hide. She will not do this because she is ashamed of doing. But because she knows it well that the whole country will be after her; her parents, her relatives and even some of her friends. They may even treat her as an outcast. If you ask me I would say that it’s my big time personal choice to make whether I’d like to stay virgin till my marriage or not; nobody can decide that or suggest that to me. It’s my choice and I’m sure that even peer pressure would not make any difference to my decision.

I highly recommend and support that both woman and man should be allowed to make the decision for their own life. Let them decided what is good for them and what is not. Let’s stop preaching our younger generation that sex before marriage is bad. Because at the end the fact is even those who are preaching us had it before marriage. (Here I’m especially talking about the male members of our society)

Just because I’m a widow; doesn’t mean I can’t be happy anymore. WORLD WIDOW WOMENS DAY

The title of this post is the plight of every widow women in this world; especially in Asian countries like India, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Bangladesh.

People in these countries are still not ready to accept widow women as part of society. I agree that there is been a major change in mentality of people in past few decades but the idea of not accepting a widow women as part of our society still prevails in many parts of India.

If we look into statistics there are 24 cr 50 lakh widow women in this world, out of which 4 cr 20 lakh widow are from India. In Europe the number of widow women is 13% of their population and out of all the widows 11 cr 60 lakh widow women lives below poverty line.

In December last year, UN declared June 23 as World Widow Day. This was done in order to make this world realize that there is a section of society who is not happy to some extent and are bound to leave in many restrictions. I fully support this idea and believe that we as a world need to understand the issues and problems attached to life of widow women in this male dominated society.

I would particularly talk about the situation of widow women in India. The problem with Indian ideology is that we know it well that how many MBA executives, IIT Graduates and IAS Officers we will need in 2020, but we don’t know that what will be the number & condition of widow women in country will be like in 2020.

If we go in villages of Haryana and Rajasthan, a widow woman there is still treated to be a curse on family and is considered un-auspicious. The families there are still not ready to accept that if the woman is a widow; she is not because of her will. She is because of some reason beyond her control. Death of a human being is neither in any man’s hand nor in any women’s. But she is still treated in way that it was because of her; the husband died.

The condition of Indian Widow Women is at an extremely poor and unacceptable stage. The war widow of 1971 war were questioned when they re-married. 15 % Children of widow women die before the age of 5. The government in India gives widow women pension of Rs 400 only.

On this world women widows day; I really think that government should take some serious steps to make the situation of widow women better in country.

In my opinion following things should be considered seriously:-

1) Widow Remarriage should be ACCEPTED MORALLY all across the country especially in villages where the idea of widow remarriage is still not accepted;
2) The women should be made self reliant by some kind of educational or job-oriented programs;
3) It should be made compulsory for children to take care of their widow mother and don’t send her to some old age home;
4) Centers to live and work must be developed in order to give these women a better living;
5) The amount of pension should be increased to a relevant amount.

The major thing I would like to focus on is that if a widower men can remarry then why not a women. I know that widow remarriage is now accepted in Metropolitan cities but what about the small cities and villages, where a widow woman is still not allowed to remarry. If a woman dies than why not her husband is blamed upon for killing his wife, which happens when husband dies and woman is blamed for killing him.

A widower man lives a very normal life and doesn’t face any problems while living in society, but why a woman has to face these problems.

On this Worlds Widow Women day. I pledge to support this cause and believe that government will surely take some steps in improving the condition of widow women.

P.S.This is post was written by Aditya Bhasin for his personal blog
I Speak-Aditya Bhasin [ and]

Your opinion and feedback is welcomed. Please post it into the comment box.

BJP ‘s big fat indian marrige

 In a country where most of the people doesn’t get 2 time meals in a day ,proper shelters to live here comes another big fat Indian marriage and the irony is that the marriage is in a state where a region called ‘vidharba’ have seen end less deaths of farmers due to burden of heavy loans Near this region another state called Nagpur where a big fat marriage recently held followed by reception on yet another grand scale, this comes from the house of Indian’s political party president ,His party’s big members say that ‘Party workers should must celebrate things in a small celebration with less money been spent’ In simple words the celebration for anything should be done on small scale but ignoring the words of big leader Mr Niting Gadkari went ahead to bring his son’s marriage on front page and biggest ever in Nagpur.
The celebration will last for 4 days including reception , It is expected that around 15000 people will be attending reception on Friday & 2lakh party workers on reception to be held on Saturday ,around 2500 close family members attended marriage.Among guest attending reception there are big leaders from different political parties and BJP also some business and bollywood personalities.
It is expected that All the hotels, guest houses, hostels, lodges and other private residence have been booked for the four-day gala wedding, several scores of luxurious vehicles have also been hired to ferry the guests to and fro
This marriage is considered to be the biggest and most expensive in recent time and especially in Nagpur
It is expected that only the cards costed Rs One crore the list of heavy expenses is followed like this
Per Plate cost on marriage =Rs 2000(App.)
2500 people attended marriage that equals to Rs 5000000Just on food
Per plate cost on reception to be held on Friday = Rs 2000(App.)
15000 People will be attending reception that equals to Rs 18000000
Per plate cost on reception to be held on Saturday= Rs 500(App.)
Lakh party workers are expected to attend that equals to=Rs 100000000
The flower arrangement costs app.. Rs 10 Lakh
The venue Rajwada place is itself among top most expensive places in Nagpur which app. costs 15 Lakh
Airbus 320 would be flying in-out to fly big leaders from Delhi to Nagpur for which Cost would be in crores
Many charted planes have been deployed to fly state politicians to Nagpur again bringing the bills in crores
State police is deployed in order to maintain security and traffic in state which brings heavy cost on govt budgets.
And list of expenses is countless
Whole point I want to make here is that its the president of a national political party who’s spending such a big amount on his son’s marriage It would be have been a benchmark if Gadkari would have restricted himself to a marriage but not with such high expenses I’m sure if he would have done other way the whole image of him personally and BJP as a party would be changed because then people like me would have been writing here a blog post titled ‘Gadkari’s son marriage was common people affair’.If he had married his son the ‘common people way’ I’m sure the prospective of people across the country would have been that yes now we have a political party president who is like us and doesn’t show his power and riches everywhere.
For other leaders be it from BJP or congress or another political party my message is “Do celebrate the occasions best way you can but do think once… half the India is hungry”

Person who sacrifice most…!

We all have sacrificed lot of times. Some did it for themselves, some for friends, and some for boy (girl) friends. Some did it for parents and the list continues. Few days back sitting in my room, I was thinking that who in this world sacrifices most, or say has an ability to sacrifice utmost if time demands.

I kept on thinking about same for a long time. I thought about lot of things and finally after taking lot of examples in consideration, the answer to ‘Who Sacrifices most?’ was up there in my mind.

And it was Women.

People who are suffering from even a little of Male chauvinism, may find this to be a very feminist approach. But for me this is something, I strongly agree to.

Copyright post became a part of Gyaan Yatra “a knowledge journey” which is a dynamic project that connects communities across the world. Funded by DfID, Gyaan Yatra looks closely at the key development issues affecting India and the world today.

The post can also be read on Gyaan Yatra website

Below mentioned is the list of reasons, why I think a woman sacrifices most, all across her life, in all stages of life & age.

1)           When a girl is born, she sacrifices, for the fact that she is a girl. Lot of people, not only in villages but in Metropolitan and newly called Cosmopolitan cities treat them to be a curse…She sacrifices…!

2)           When there is just a little celebration (and sometime not even that) on girls first Birthday. Whereas, there is big time celebration on First Deepwali, lohri, Dussera and many other festivals for the baby boy in same family. She again sacrifices …!

3)           When, she gets into ‘some’public school and boy in the family goes to ‘SOME’ big name school.  The reason because the family thinks that “Girl has to go to some other house; after all and boy has to take care of family”. She again sacrifices…!

4)           When she turns 18 & the school trip goes to Mumbai, her parents tell her that “You’re a kid you can’t go”. And when her brother aged 17, fly’s toBangkokon a school trip. She again sacrifices.

5)           When every month, she is asked not to visit temples and is considered un-pure for some days. She again sacrifices…!

6)           When after school, she is asked to take admission in some arts or commerce college. Whereas her brother studies at IIT or some other engineering college. After all she has to go to some other house (pun intended). She again sacrifices…!

7)           When she is about to get married, she is treated as a display item on some high street shop. She again sacrifices…!

8)           When she gets married, she leaves her parents home, to live her rest of life with another family (Read strangers). She again sacrifices…!

9)           When after marriage, she has to drop her surname and is asked to take up another surname. She again sacrifices…!

10)   When after marriage, she is asked not to work and be a homely wife. She again sacrifices…!

11)   When (if) her husband dies at young age, she is considered to be a curse on family. And is accused of killing her husband. She again sacrifices…!

12)   When being a widow, she is asked not to remarry. She again sacrifices…!

13)   When at some stage in her life, she tells her children to play an old song of Mukesh Kumar. And in return her children tell her; “not now mom”. She again sacrifices…!

14)   When her husband comes back home from office, she ask him to take her out. And he refuses. She again sacrifices…!

15)   When in chilling weather, she is asked to get tea for her husband. Whereas her husband continues to enjoy the coziness of his blanket. She again sacrifices…!

16)   And this continues. And all she does is Sacrifice… Sacrifice and Sacrifice

This thing continues all her life…She sacrifice…She sacrifices…She sacrifices….!

P.S. This post doesn’t blame any individual in any manner whatsoever. The views mentioned are of author himself and may not have acceptance, from other section of society. If anything in this post is found to be un-acceptable. Author demands apologies.