Dear boys. Learn to be a gentleman.

When I was in second year of my graduation, somebody messaged me from an unknown number and started talking in bit of a flirtatious manner. My responses to her messages were brief or even one word, as I was least bothered to keep that conversation going, but she was keen on keeping that conversation going and kept pinging me. She was telling me on messages how she likes me and would want to be a friend. I simply said no as I had no interest in that blind offer. Because the conversation started late in evening and it was around 10 PM already, so I went ahead to message her “I think we should end this conversation as clock is ticking 10 and I usually prefer not to talk after that”. 

I later found out that she was a college friend messaging me from a different number. That girl is a great friend today and now tells me that she was only pulling my leg. She, of course, continues to make fun of my 10 PM logic. But I was that way years back. I used to maintain a decorum speaking to anybody and I continue to stay that way. Yes, 10 PM logic is now a forgotten thing, but I continue to maintain and follow a set of personally made rules.

My point of writing this blog post is to talk about few insensible things boys tend to do and end up showing themselves as nothing, but nincompoop.

Being a man myself, I would not disagree when women say that some boys are so sick, they talk so insensibly, they try to hit on you for no reasons and yes, they do not leave any stone unturned to strike an opportunity. Usually these boys would be ones who message saying that “Hey I am your neighbor” , “Hey We studied together”, “I think we will make good friends” , ” I am friend to your best friend’s sister” and what NOT !

Many of my female friends would tell me how they were contacted by some guy who claimed to be this and claimed to be that and wanted to strike a conversation one or the other way, these things, they tell me only take place on phone or Facebook. In their opinion, these are the guys who would not have guts to walk up to them and talk on face. One such incident was shared by a friend of mine which then provoked me to write this blog post.

She told me that somebody pinged her on WhatsApp saying that her profile picture was very nice and he attempted to talk to her more about some random stuff. She mentioned that of course, his messages were funny as he attempted to be an amazingly awesome and cool guy.

She said that she eventually went ahead and blocked him.

The other incident is from a story I read in a newspaper. A guy hit the girl with a bottle on her face because she denied giving him her number. News report said that he first tried to injure her using a knife and when failed, hit her with beer bottle.

So my dear boys, what makes you do these kinds of silly, or rather say, ridiculous things? Healthy flirting is acceptable and proves to be healthy. Really. But, what you do is not sensible and is obviously harmful for all man out there. Imagine when these kinds of things make all the women turn misandrists.

I would not bring that What-if-this-happens-to-your-sister-stuff here. That’s not worth an example to quote but what I will surely say is that these kinds of acts are not taking you anywhere. Getting laid- which is your ultimate goal is far, very far sighted.

Also, what makes you look more ridiculous is the fact no woman would ever like your silly behavior towards them. Your idea of thinking that they are dumb to fall in your trap of how beautiful their profile picture looks or how compatible you think *you-guys* together will be, (In your first stalking attempt itself) would result in nothing but more hatred towards you.

One more important thing which is worth a thought here is : what actually makes you do these things?

Don’t tell me that this is an attempt to be more social. Because, at the end of the day it is NOT. Stalking girls in any manner will never increase your social circle or your standing among your male friends – * tere bhai ki 17 girlfriends hain!*.

It will only do the opposite. Think of one good female friend you have. You talk. You chat. You dance. You study. You travel. Together. And one sudden day, she finds our your brave acts of stalking women on Facebook , Whats App and other platforms. What would be her impression towards you? You will not only fail to * gain* a female friend in that stalking attempt but also loose a good friend you had.

She obviously would be smart enough to let others know what kind of attitude you have towards women.

So in totality it will be a big fail on your part.

We, as men, should understand that she is a woman. Yes, she likes to be complimented. She likes that her beauty is appreciated. She likes to be a center of attention, but isn’t that the same thing we, as men, seek? Don’t you like to receive compliments from other people? Don’t you like it, when in a party, everybody tells you how awesome your pointed-shiny-black-shoes-with-that-red tie- white shirt-black trousers-look? Of course, you enjoy that attention.

But there is a way how you pass that compliment to someone. Obviously, stalking is not one of them.

I personally believe that one should never hesitate to appreciate beauty. One should always be straight forward to walk up to a woman and tell her how beautiful she looks or how mesmerizing her smile is. But the only freaking reason why we cannot do this or if we do, why woman don’t appreciate that and think of us as perverts is us.

It is we the men who have earned that reputation of being perverts. The day we stop being stalkers, stop being fussy, stop being clumsy about women, is the day when women would stop treating us the way they do.

Take my words, no woman is bad or witch like. She is a normal individual, who likes to be social and is part of our society. She does not have an issue talking to a man who compliments her or does not compliment her. But yes, she has some big issues with men trying to fool her or take undue advantage of her.

Thanks Priyanshi Gulati for proof reading.