Wherever you might be,
You were among those rare drop-head faces. You were an actor. You were
successful . OK lets be reasonable, soon to be successful. You were young. Yet you choose to take a step which was abominable. Everybody goes through vexatious time, but, does everybody decide to kill thyself? I think NO. To put across my take in a better way I would go ahead and divide this letter in two sections- before suicide, after suicide. One thing common among both the sections would be ‘The Letter You Wrote’ as stated by your family. Though, I think that this is a different story and I doubt your family’s intentions when they say ‘you’ wrote that letter; especially, when it came out after so many days. But, I think that is OK, even for me writing an epic blog post does take time.
You were young yet sad, thus, you killed yourself.
As per your letter I am assuming that you and Sooraj were in a relationship. If not a relationship, maybe you guys were friends, close friends, or may have be into a sexual relationship as well. That is OK. No issues on that part. So where was the problem? You enjoyed being with him and vice-verse. A lot of time you guys may have made love. Again no issues. Absolutely OK. One time it went wrong, you became pregnant. He may have asked you to abort the child; maybe it was wrong on his part. If he had guts to dip the fork into the cake, he should have had balls to take care of the pudding too. 😉
Though I wonder if you had no sense of how to use contraception or how condoms are readily available in market these days; yeah female condoms too. And moreover if I assume that he may not have asked you to abort the child, would you really have stepped ahead to give birth to the baby? I don’t think so. If you would have then I think you would have been a bigger fool than what your suicide has made out of you. It is obviously something what wonders me that how come a 22 yr just college pass out guy can pass on you like this? I am sure there had been a spark from both the ends. You know like those fairy-tale stories of Bollywood- an actor sees an upcoming actor in a party. They talk, they meet, they are then good friends, and they end into a live in relationship kind of thing.
In your letter you wrote “Yet you tortured me every day.” What do you mean by that? Were you a slave to him? OR did he kept you under a lock all the time or do you want to say that he was such an animal that he even put a chastity lock on you? Saying that he put you through mysterious affliction is something very foolish on your part. How come just anybody who is also just another actor’s son can dominate you? You were 25; mature enough. And don’t give me the crap that you were all in love with him. You may have been but, I am sure that you cannot be such a fool that you don’t know what is into a man’s mind. I don’t say that Sooraj was not wrong maybe he was but were you all right on your part? I see a difficult yes here.
“It didn’t matter how many gifts I gave you or how beautiful I looked for you”. How does this make sense? Does giving gifts make a lifetime relationship? I doubt my dear Jiah. Because if that would have been the case there would not have been any divorces in this world and yes breakups too. And tell me if he asked you to give him gifts or in fact his sister. I am sure you did it out of your affection towards him.
You mentioned that your life was him and your work. Please tell me what work are you talking about? What best I know your career is that you had no major projects in your kitty since 2010. You were well aware that your self-proclaimed lover is already cheating on you but you choose to ignore that. Who asked you? Why didn’t you take it on his face itself? You know it well that he is not looking for a stable relationship with you but, it was you who was forcing the relationship on him. He was innocent. He was only doing what most of people do at this age; casual relationships. And please don’t give me the crap that you may not have ever been into a casual relationships, it’s OK, everybody does that. He was no different. I am sure that you also would have had your piece of casual relationships.
I also choose to disagree on your claims that he raped you. Your letter clearly states that you guys were involved sexually on mutual terms. So rape is not in the picture my dear. You are not a school kid with whom a guy would play doctor-doctor games.
You died, with your wish, and made other people’s life nothing less than death.
OKAY. Let’s now talk about important part. You died. Cool with me. But what was the purpose of making another person’s life more miserable than death. That young chap now stands nowhere- not that he stood anywhere in his life earlier but still, you did make him lose a lot. Mind it A LOT. He at this time is forcefully playing a role of victim and take my words he did not deserve that. Tell me why would you like to blame him? Just because he made love to you when you were ready. He had a good time with you when you too wanted the same?
You yourself mentioned in your six page letter that how you didn’t see any love or commitment from him, then please, for God’s grace tell me where did you see that he would marry you or even continue in a relationship with you. You knew everything already then why are you blaming him now?
Or did you blame him because he chooses to go with another women and your ego was badly hurt? We all have our share of breakups in our lives but does that mean that we run pillar-to-post to make the other person’s life miserable. Let me take an example here:
I like somebody. She is beautiful. She has rejected my proposal umpteen times. So should I take her to police because she is not accepting my proposal and I may go ahead and suicide and write a letter on her name. Should I tell everyone that if I kill myself then she should be held responsible because she did not like me?
Surely my condolence is with your family. The loss is bigger than anything but, loss has already happened. It cannot be reverted and moreover you decided to kill yourself so the blame should not be put to somebody else’s table. Your family is now blaming the poor kid for something he may not have been even aware of.
About your mom now, there is no question that her loss is irreversible. But, is she doing good in terms of make the poor guy’s life lamentable. I wonder if she saw those marks on your neck and body earlier then why didn’t she took up the thing with police then?
She is also to be blamed here, after all, she knew everything first hand and it was she who had a blindfold on her hand then. And please don’t say that she did not do that because she was worried about your image because if that would have been the case this whole letter and the abortion and the rape and the ‘My daughter was victim’ and this and that thing would never have came out.
Another thing : Do you hint if your mom is doing this to mint some money?
In the end the conclusion that I drive to is that you did not kill yourself because you had to go through a troublesome relationship but because you did not had a career and a life you wanted. But, it was your big ego that did not allow you to accept that fact, thus, you opted to choose a abominable reason and blame a man who probably may have had a gloaming career. Thanks Jiah, you were successfully able to deteriorate a man’s family and career. Much thanks. I mean this is the best you could do to take the scourge of your own death; which surprisingly you took yourself.
Best, and RIP wishes,
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Disclaimer : This post does not intend to hurt anybody’s sentiments or emotional belief. The views expressed are solely of Aditya Bhasin and may or may not have an acceptance from others. Readers are suggested to make a sound opinion after reading this post. If anything is found to be derogatory, author demands apologies.
Update : June 14 2013 02.:37 AM
1) Para 12 changed “loss had already happened” to “Loss has already happened”
2) Para 6 : Replaced the word “never” with “ever”
3) Para 3: replaced “then” with “than”
4)Para 3: changed “I think you are a bigger fool” to “I think you would have been a bigger fool”
Update : June 14th 7: 03 AM
1) Added disclaimer
Update: June 14th 7:23 PM
1) Added TOI link
Update June 15th 02.03 AM
1) Added TOI link
Thanks Priyanshi Gulati for proof reading.